thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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