i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
