even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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