and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
