apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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