I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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