Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
