I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
