Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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