my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
