U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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