The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Randomize
