We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
