you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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