can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
