I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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