just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
