If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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