dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
