you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
