u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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