Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
