my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
