i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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