Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
