His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Vodka?
Forever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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