So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
