Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think your dad took our porno
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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