i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
