meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
