I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
