He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
