After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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