I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
