On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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