I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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