threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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