As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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