I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
