Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
