There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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