a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
