She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
