I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
