I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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