he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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