I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
