I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
