Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
