I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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