i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
