watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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