i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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