i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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