We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
