when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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