she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are we still banned from the library?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
