i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
honey bunches of taint.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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