guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
