I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
