theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
