it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize