i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
