He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
