Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
