he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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