I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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