She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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