Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize