Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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