could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
