I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
