Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
