Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize