...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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