I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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