that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
