My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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