Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
