If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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