the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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