She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
