and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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