I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
