In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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