When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
