I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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