Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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