Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
