i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
