I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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