you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you made out with another girl for some wings
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
