jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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