I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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